Women’s Skirts Banned in UK
Sources at the Home Office signalled last night that muslim demands for modesty in women’s dress will be put before Parliament very shortly. The demands centre on “Immodest female displays” that are alleged to inflame otherwise devout muslim men. In a move intended to cut rape figures and make muslims feel “more at home”, Mr Straw [...]
Barnardos is “Best Scam Ever”
The charity world was rocked last night by Martin Narey, the Chief Executive of Barnardos. Formerly the head of the UK Prison Service, Mr Narey was recorded on tape admitting that, “Barnardos is the best scam I’ve ever seen. We pretend to do valuable work, but actually all we do is sit around all day telling [...]
Tiger Woods: Wife Gets AIDS
29 November 2009
Initial reports that Tiger Woods’ car crash was a direct result of his having rowed with his wife are accurate. But what caused their fall-out? Details are now emerging.
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Thierry Henry Dies in Car Crash
19 November 2009
Reports are coming in that Thierry Henry, the well known footballer and former star of adverts for girlie French cars, has died in an horrific car crash. It is understood that the accident took place in the same Paris underpass that claimed the life of Princess Diana more than ten years ago.
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Jack Straw: Most Policewomen are Dykes
19 November 2009
In a frank admission, the Justice Secretary, Jack Straw, last night confirmed what many people already suspected: that most policewomen are lesbian. Surprisingly, he also stated that he believes not enough policemen are homosexual or transgender, which is why recruitment advertisements will from now on be confined to media that have the correct readership, such [...]
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University? Become an Amputee
18 November 2009
As part of the government’s policy of modernisation, accountability and fairness, Ed Balls, the Educashun Minister, today announced his latest weapon against elitism… He told a meeting of Community Outreach Workers, all recent graduates in Lesbian Studies and New Media: “We have to bring more fairness into education. We also have to get more young people going [...]
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Climate Change is “Scam” Shock
18 November 2009
In a confidential email, sure to cause widespread embarrassment to the government and climate change activists alike, Ed Miliband, Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change has described climate change as “The best scam ever invented”. Despite having no science qualifications whatsoever, Mr Miliband is the government’s global warming cheerleader, popping up everywhere with all [...]
Posted in EnvironmentComments (1)
Afghanistan Solution
12 November 2009
The BNP today came up with what seems a simple solution to the Afghanistan war. At a press conference in London, Nick Griffin said: “There are 120,000 Afghans living in the UK. And those are just the ones we know about. We’re also told that the police are overstretched keeping tabs on UK muslim terrorist plots. The [...]
Posted in WarComments (0)
More Mosques – Churches to be Demolished
08 November 2009
Jack Straw announced today that at least a thousand more mosques are to be built in the UK over the next two years. He also made it clear that taxpayers’ money would be used to fund the unprecedented building programme. “Let’s face it” he said to our reporter, “muslims are the main supporters of the Labour Party [...]
Posted in Life & Style, PoliticsComments (3)
Harriet Harman: All Men Are Rapists
02 November 2009
In a thinly-veiled attack on senior judges, the police and the Crown Prosecution Service, Harriet Harman, Minister for women and equality said today that she would be masterminding major changes in the criminal law. “The conviction rate for men accused of rape and sexual offences against women is disgracefully low and we must do something about [...]
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20,000 More Gatsos Coming Soon
01 November 2009
“Socialism is all about taking decision-making away from the individual. We know what is best for you, so we decide what speed you should be doing at any given time. It’s all about control.” So said Sadiq Khan, Minister of State for Transport, as he unveiled the latest measures in the government’s fight to make Britain’s [...]
Posted in PoliticsComments (1)
Cameron: Black-Only Shortlists
29 October 2009
In a move intended to inject accountability and fairness into the selection of candidates for the next election, David Cameron today announced that he will be ordering special shortlists to be drawn up for many constituencies. “People already know that we intend to have all-women shortlists, especially for the safe Tory seats. But now we’re going [...]
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Television Boost for Women
26 October 2009
“The way women are portrayed in the media needs a thorough overhaul. And to do that we have to pass more new laws. From now on, we must work to make the media portray women in a modern and appropriate light. For instance, It would be no bad thing if females are consistently shown on [...]
Posted in Life & StyleComments (1)
Homosexual Adoption Shock
20 October 2009
In a well-signalled move, Lord Mandelson last night announced an imminent shake-up of adoption laws. Speaking at the NSPCC’s [National Society for the Prevention of Children] annual dinner, he said: “After discussions with eminent and interested parties such as Sir Elton John, George Michael and my live-in lover Ronaldo, the government has decided to make the adoption [...]
Posted in Life & Style, PoliticsComments (1)
All UK Prostitutes Assigned Black Pimp
19 October 2009
In a shock move, the Chancellor, Alistair Darling yesterday announced his latest initiative on unemployment. “With prostitution now the sole expanding sector of the UK economy, I believe it is time to harness the profession for the good of the country. I therefore propose to make it mandatory for all sex workers to employ at least [...]
Posted in EmploymentComments (0)
Labour to Woo White Trash
18 October 2009
Gordon Brown’s beleagured government today announced innovative plans to target white voters at the next election. Lord Mandelson, who is tasked with masterminding Labour’s fightback at the polls, said it was about time the party remembered their core vote: the white working class.
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MPs’ Expenses Scandal – Latest
13 October 2009
It isn’t just duck-houses and avoiding capital gains tax by flipping homes; last night it emerged that MPs have been routinely charging HIV tests on their boyfriends to the taxpayer. Worse, it also turns out the tests were conducted privately, not on the NHS.
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Justice Shake-Up for Blacks
13 October 2009
As part of the government’s drive towards a more diverse and culturally-rich society, the Justice Ministry announced today that science and technology will be employed in its recently announced overhaul of sentencing guidelines. The changes will relate to the treatment of ethic minorities by crown and magistrates’ courts and are intended to mollify campaigners calling [...]
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ID Cards Deployed in War Against Paedophiles
13 October 2009
With the introduction of compulsory ID cards hot on the political agenda, the Home Secretary announced today that in addition to being used as a weapon against terrorists, the cards would also be valuable in the fight against paedophiles.
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Elton John to Promote Homosexuality in Schools
11 October 2009
In a well-trailed move, and part of the ongoing campaign to bring equality and fairness to homosexuals, it has been announced by Ed Balls, the minister for children, schools and families, that pupils as young as seven will soon be receiving classroom visits and lectures from Elton John, the well-known pop singer. Announcing the initiative, Mr [...]
Posted in EducationComments (0)
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- Thierry Henry Dies in Car Crash
- More Mosques – Churches to be Demolished
- Harriet Harman: All Men Are Rapists
- Women’s Skirts Banned in UK
- Homosexual Adoption Shock
- 20,000 More Gatsos Coming Soon
- Climate Change is “Scam” Shock
- Tory MP in Rent-Boy Honey Trap Shock – Cameron Reeling
- Barnardos is “Best Scam Ever”
- Television Boost for Women
- terence nabbs: no offence.... but if your not happy with this you...
- r butt: I am caucasion and a true English man.I believe th...
- Bruce: Nana - Get a sense of humour for fucks sake. And g...
- JOAN COVE: THIS IS SATIRE ITS NOT FACT AND DONT BELIEVE ...
- saghir: It is high time we got some sense and dressed prop...
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