In a shock move, the Chancellor, Alistair Darling yesterday announced his latest initiative on unemployment.

“With prostitution now the sole expanding sector of the UK economy, I believe it is time to harness the profession for the good of the country. I therefore propose to make it mandatory for all sex workers to employ at least one black male pimp on a salary not less than the national minimum wage. These measures have two main benefits: one, better employment opportunities and wider lifestyle-choices for black men – who are particularly suited to this work – and two, more business for the girls.”

Mr Darling’s initiative was immediately hailed by immigration charities and women’s groups alike. Keith Best, Chief Executive of the Immigration Advisory Service, the UK’s largest charity providing representation and advice in immigration and asylum law, hailed it as

“Good for jobs, good for blacks and terrific for my future job prospects and income.”

Harriet Harman, Minister for Women, said:

“I particularly welcome this measure. Not all women are able to con their way to high office with made-up qualifications like what I have, so must resort to selling their bodies, either through marriage or prostitution. Women who choose prostitution as a career will in future be assured of better protection and additional business brought in by these men. And just think what it’ll do for the tax take.”