In a move intended to inject accountability and fairness into the selection of candidates for the next election, David Cameron today announced that he will be ordering special shortlists to be drawn up for many constituencies.

“People already know that we intend to have all-women shortlists, especially for the safe Tory seats. But now we’re going even further. For fifty of our safest seats we’ll be selecting candidates from shortlists that are not only all-women, in addition they will be black or asian, lesbian and disabled. This will demonstrate my determination to rid the party, once and for all, of its previous reputation for elitism and racist selection.”

Mr Cameron went on to say that his new initiative should play well with voters in marginal areas, where many immigrants tend to live, but will not affect the outcome in safe Tory seats. He told our reporter,

“To be frank, all I’m bothered about is winning the election. Having a few black dykes around the place once we’re in power won’t matter because we’ll be able to tell them what to do”.

Asked to comment, Gordon Brown said that he intends to match the Tory move. “We’re just about to do the same, but as usual, the Tories have moved first in a cynical publicity exercise”, he said in a statement released from Downing Street.