Initial reports that Tiger Woods’ car crash was a direct result of his having rowed with his wife are accurate. But what caused their fall-out? Details are now emerging.

Read the full story

Reports are coming in that Thierry Henry, the well known footballer and former star of adverts for girlie French cars, has died in an horrific car crash.

It is understood that the accident took place in the same Paris underpass that claimed the life of Princess Diana more than ten years ago.

Read the full story

In a frank admission, the Justice Secretary, Jack Straw, last night confirmed what many people already suspected: that most policewomen are lesbian. Surprisingly, he also stated that he believes not enough policemen are homosexual or transgender, which is why recruitment advertisements will from now on be confined to media that have the correct readership, such as The Guardian newspaper.

Read the full story

In a thinly-veiled attack on senior judges, the police and the Crown Prosecution Service, Harriet Harman, Minister for women and equality said today that she would be masterminding major changes in the criminal law.

“The conviction rate for men accused of rape and sexual offences against women is disgracefully low and we must do something about it. Next month I will introduce a parliamentary bill that will end this situation once and for all”

, she said.

Read the full story

As part of the government’s drive towards a more diverse and culturally-rich society, the Justice Ministry announced today that science and technology will be employed in its recently announced overhaul of sentencing guidelines. The changes will relate to the treatment of ethic minorities by crown and magistrates’ courts and are intended to mollify campaigners calling for more lenient sentences, especially for newly arrived immigrants.

Read the full story

With the introduction of compulsory ID cards hot on the political agenda, the Home Secretary announced today that in addition to being used as a weapon against terrorists, the cards would also be valuable in the fight against paedophiles.

Read the full story

In a move intended to outflank the Conservatives in the run-up to the next election, the government has announced a major shake-up of sentencing policy.

The move was welcomed by all sections of the Labour Party as a practical way of reducing population-pressure on UK jails that are bursting at the seams. And, at the same time, it is seen as going some way towards granting real equality to immigrants.

Read the full story

The BBC was in chaos last night after racism allegations forced its flagship-programme Crimewatch to be suspended. Kirsty Young, the beautiful Arian blonde poached from Channel 5 to front the show, said she was shocked and saddened by the BBC’s sudden decision to pull the programme. However, her co-presenter, Matthew Amroliwala, added,

“This came as no surprise to me. I’ve been expecting it ever since we went to the new format”.

Read the full story