In a well-trailed move, and part of the ongoing campaign to bring equality and fairness to homosexuals, it has been announced by Ed Balls, the minister for children, schools and families, that pupils as young as seven will soon be receiving classroom visits and lectures from Elton John, the well-known pop singer.

Announcing the initiative, Mr Balls said:

“It is a fact that many young children are unaware of their latent sexual tendencies and it’s important that these should be nurtured as early as possible, before they go on to develop heterosexual habits later in life. Educational psychologists at the department of education estimate that the true percentage of the population that is homosexual is around 75%, but that inapropriate education and mistakes in their upbringing cause too many children to develop “Homosexuality Denial”.

In an interview with the Guardian newspaper, Mr John explained that he would be visiting as many schools as possible over the coming months and that school timetables are being amended so as to accommodate his lectures. He added,

“I intend to bring hope to those children who are wrestling with their sexuality and reassure them that you are never too young to start having sex. We’ll be starting with seven-year olds and working our way up them”.

Mr Balls welcomed Mr John’s initiative saying:

“We’ve managed to get education to a stage where pupils learn nothing at all and remain illiterate right up to the age of sixteen. Now, we can be proud we’re really them something that will improve their lives and outcomes. Who knows, it may even impress the judges on X Factor”