Jack Straw announced today that at least a thousand more mosques are to be built in the UK over the next two years. He also made it clear that taxpayers’ money would be used to fund the unprecedented building programme.

“Let’s face it” he said to our reporter,

“muslims are the main supporters of the Labour Party these days and we must do all we can to keep them onside. We will be putting up new mosques wherever muslims want them, including areas where they are not yet a majority. This makes good electoral sense and I don’t care what the white fascist Tory-voting middle class make of it. In fact, we’re currently thinking about demolishing a few churches and synagogues to make way for them”.

Asked to comment, David Cameron, the Tory leader said,

“We fully endorse this plan. I want to lead a party that is inclusive and, to be frank, I’ll do anything to get into power, including siding with a few Pakis. After all, they’ll soon outnumber us, so there’s no real choice. By the way, did you know that I had a disabled son? He died you know”.

Noor Ramjanally, muslim community leader in Southall welcomed the move.

“It’s only logical that we should build more mosques. We are in the middle of a breeding programme intended to make us the dominant race in the UK and it is fitting that we should have an appropriate number of places of worship and brainwashing at our disposal”.

The Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg was unavailable for comment last night, but a spokesperson for the party said:

“It’s no good asking us for comment because every single one of our MPs has a different view on every issue”.