Sources at the Home Office signalled last night that muslim demands for modesty in women’s dress will be put before Parliament very shortly.

The demands centre on “Immodest female displays” that are alleged to inflame otherwise devout muslim men. In a move intended to cut rape figures and make muslims feel “more at home”, Mr Straw said:

“This is just the kind of forward-looking legislation we need. I believe that it is truly offensive for Asians, whose own women deliberately make themselves even more unattractive than they already are, to be confronted with naturally attractive Caucasian women flaunting their sexuality in public”.

Harriet Harman, Minister for Women agreed.

“The skirt is a symbol of sexism and female slavery to men’s lecherousness. It doesn’t matter whether it is a mini-skirt or full length, the fact is that it is designed to pander to men by showing the legs and emphasising the split-arse nature of the wearer. The sooner we can implement this ban the better. And while we’re at it, I think we should also ban displays of cleavage”.

Gordon Brown made his approval clear.

“My wife has bloody awful legs. They look like something on an elephant and make me embarrassed to take her anywhere. I look forward to the day when she has to cover up with trousers”.

In a short telephone interview, and speaking from Pakistan, Omar Bakri, the moderate spokesman for UK muslims, said,

”British women dress like prostitutes and it is most offensive to us. Imagine what it is like for muslims, especially those new to the UK: we hardly get any sex, and what we do get is crap, so the sight of legs and tits on good-looking women is offensive”.